Bearly Playable

Paddington Bear was a British TV series that aired between 1975 and 1986. Why then, was it released in video game form over 30 years later on a console that had just been succeeded? There isn’t much depth to this ‘game’, but I’ll do my best to put you off of it – I promise.

Paddington Bear was released in 2007, the year of the Playstation 3. The Xbox 360 had been released two years ago and great franchises were starting out such as Assassin’s Creed and Bioshock. Graphics had hit a new level and whilst everyone was comparing the prowess of the PS3 with that of the 360, this little game came out, completely unnoticed.

I tend to not try and judge a game by it’s graphics as I have always cared more about the gameplay of them, bad graphics have been understandable in many cases, but sometimes the excuses are impossible to find and just don’t cut it. 2007 was rather terrible as hidden under the façade of great games such as The Darkness lay the making of nightmares. I struggle to believe that in an era where games looked like this we could get such a monstrosity, but thinking about it, we also had to put up with this gem later that year.

As terrible as the graphics were, they were not the only culprit in the slow and painful memories this game left in my mind. The gameplay is incredibly repetitive, the level design is uninspired, and there is no challenge to be seen. The majority of the short game is spent navigating Paddington around stale settings trying to achieve objectives that just do not matter. There is a level in which your bathroom has flooded, and you must make your way to the bath to wash. As you work your way through the strangely designed bathroom you must turn off pipes and platform across sinks and toilets to get to the bath, however if you are to fall in to the water you will drown. It’s slightly weird that a premature wash cold lead to soft, cuddly death but it happens. This may be the only game ever made where you have a chance to kill Paddington, and it’s so rewarding.

Would you believe me if I told you this game is £15 on Amazon? I cannot recommend enough that you steer clear of this game. If you’re thinking of buying it as a bit of fun for your children, then I can see your case don’t. Someone will come and take your kids away due to abuse. If not even a child could enjoy this game how do you think I feel?

1/10

Conclusion

‘Don’t buy it. Don’t play it. Don’t mention it. Don’t think about it. Don’t dream of it. Don’t look at it. Burn every copy you find’.