Ah! It’s my favorite marsupial of my favorite childhood franchise! Crash fucking Bandicoot! (Fucking is not Crash’s middle name but goddamn he’s awesome!) Memories…

While the original trilogy on the PS1 is great along with an equally great racing game and experimental party game, today I have come out of my Mancave to review my favorite game in the series, Crash Twinsanity.

The story starts off with Coco, Crash’s sister, trying to catch a butterfly until suddenly Cortex zaps her with his ray gun, leaving her in a paralyzed state. Crash is then seen digging up a hole like a curious dog and Cortex is also seen wearing Coco’s outfit and terribly imitating Coco’s voice to get Crash to follow him: none of which is even slightly convincing to a normal functioning being but of course, our lovable yet dumb protagonist stands up holding a shoe in his mouth ready to partake on an adventure following the ugly fraud playing the Bandicoot broad. Hehe…

I don’t know what’s more horrifying, Cortex dressed as Coco or honey boo boo.

Later on, after being granted freedom to move around in this open world, the island has got something for you to do and that might mean you could kill chickens by leading them into their impending death from nitro crates so you could get that gem, spin attack the monkeys near the wumpa fruit tree because they need to know their place, or just be the boring person and go straight toward the objective. When you follow sister Cortex, you are introduced to tutorials. Yes, you read right, tutorials. The game thinks that you are not a competent human being and tries to teach like you were some dimwit that didn’t know how to do jack shit even though you had time to fuck around in the island and mash buttons. And another thing… why the hell does the camera move invertedly?! There’s not even an option to turn the shit off so now you’re stuck playing with an inverted camera! And why the fuck don’t I get my invincibility after collecting all three masks? Anyways, once you’ve endured the gruelling tutorials and disappointing revelations about the gameplay, Cortex finally reveals himself and Crash is left dumbfounded, what a plot twist!

But to save your precious time, because you need to go back to doing whatever that might be, jacking off or playing video games, this is the short version: Crash and Cortex fight and humiliate each other in the beginning but end up teaming up against the Evil Twins who are birds that come from a different dimension and go through adventures with Cortex being harmed a lot of the time. Silly as it sounds but that’s Crash Twinsanity for you and it’s pretty entertaining. Also, you get to meet Cortex’s niece, Nina!

“My daught- I mean Niece!”

With Crash, Cortex, and Nina making up the main trio of the game, it makes for a more diverse gameplay style.

Crash is what you’d expect from him: jump, double jump, spin, body slam, slide, and slide jump. Nothing particularly special but ever still fun to play as the lovable bandicoot throughout the majority of the game.

Cortex offers less of a platforming play style as he can’t jump for shit but makes up for it by controlling his ray gun in a point-and-shoot manner, making him more of a range character.

Nina has the best of both worlds in terms of close and far range gameplay. She can spin attack similarly to Crash and can jump decently high enough. She uses her bionic hands to grapple onto designated platforming hooks and to punch an enemy from range. It also helps that she gets a catchy song that matches her look and personality!

Near the end of the game, you also get to control Mecha Bandicoot, one of the first bosses of the game! And he looks fucking cool!

And speaking of the music… this game has a great soundtrack done by Spiralmouth, an acapella group, meaning that all the soundtracks you hear in the game are made by just the voices of this incredible group!

Indeed, this is one of the factors that made me grow fond of this game, even isn’t the greatest entry to the series, it’s still one of the better post-none-Naughty Dog Crash games of the series. This game has a very charming atmosphere and knows how to have fun while providing the familiar tone of early games.

One of my more favorite parts of the game is the level Slip Slide Icecapades where you get to snowboard on top of Cortex against his own will, as I laughed inwardly from Cortex’s misery.

Ouch!

This game may not have been fully completed as Cortex explained in his fourth wall breaking moment, we could have had another dimension to explore and play in. Twinsanity captured in my youth the humor of gaming, not to take everything so seriously and just have a good time while you still can before remembering the other Crash games that shall not be named!

Well, back to my Mancave!

I’m just an ordinary gamer who happens to have no human form! Thanks for reading my bio man! Much love.