The Five Most Memorable Moments of Mass Effect

I’m really not a fan of Sci-fi. I didn’t enjoy the Star Wars movies, and I’ve watched no Star Trek and no Firefly. Sharpen your pitchforks, I know, but it just doesn’t interest me. Besides, I’ve never worn braces or had an interest in Physics or Maths, so I’m not too sure I’m even allowed to be interested in it at all.

But Mass Effect is different. With all my other Sci-fi encounters I felt suffocated because I knew there was a big universe waiting for me, but all I could experience were fucking Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks. Mass Effect has it’s share of ridiculous characters or races (I don’t want to experience tentacle monsters in a game. Save that for my other pastimes), but I feel as if I can choose where to go, and it’s my story. It’s me banging a hot blue alien chick, not someone else. Why? Because it’s my decision.

Such a grand game has many memorable moments, so I’ve decided to do something wholly original and place them in a list. Due to the fact that I have a somewhat short attention span, I have only picked five. Sorry to disappoint my thousands of loyal fans I think I’ve amassed by this point, my second article.

So prepare yourself for the most important and interesting list you will ever experience!

Note: I refer to Shepard as a he because that’s how I play. In this instance it’s not because I’m horribly sexist.

Number 5: Meeting Sovereign

Meeting Sovereign was a bit of an “oh shit” moment for me. I thought I was going to find Saren, but I found this talking spaceship/alien thing instead. It felt like that time I went to confront the kid who beat me up a school. Upon arriving at his house the creepy dad opened the door instead, and he proceeded to monologue in riddles whilst threatening to tie me up, get naked and hit me with a baseball bat.

What I’m trying to say is that the encounter with Sovereign is memorable in the first ME game because it’s when you realise that Saren isn’t the main threat. And then you realise you have to destroy this thing. And then you say “Fuck” because that’s a motherfucking spaceship. And you’re a tiny human.
“Fuck” indeed.

Number Four: Eden Prime

So you’re barely five minutes into the game when you’re assaulted with the death of a squadmate by the hands (guns) of some robot dudes. Five minutes later and you see mutilated corpses pierced by large poles 10ft up in the air. Then you experience the death of another “good guy”. There’s already as much drama in here as “Game of Thrones”, just with less sex (at that moment).

Furthermore, this mission pretty much made me crap my pants. I don’t know why, but the Geth got to me, with their creepy voices and torchlight heads. Fun fact: they actually gave me a fear of flashlights. But then again, I once freaked out when I watched the Teletubbies, so I don’t think I’m a good authority on what’s scary or not.

Number 3: Fighting on the Citadel

Ever wanted to fight in zero gravity whilst shooting robots in the head whilst watching rocket ships blow each other up in the sky whilst the fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders? Well now you can!

Introducing the final mission of Mass Effect! In this high tension twenty minutes you can:

1. Convince a guy to commit suicide
2. Fight his bionic reanimated corpse
3. Murder an entire government
4. Get slightly motion sick from the gravity switches

And more!
Own yours today for £5 by buying the full game on Steam and playing through it. Or just watch the mission on YouTube.
The final mission of Mass Effect. It’s pretty cool.

Number 2: Ashley vs Kaiden; who do you save?

OK, so unless you wanted to bang previously mentioned hot blue alien chick, this was a big deal. Basically, you’re about to set off a nuke in Saren’s base of operations. The only problem is Kaiden and Ashley are in two separate places, and only one of them can be saved.

It’s a difficult decision because both characters are unlikeable. Ashley has an awful personality as she hates anything not human. She is a space racist. On the other hand Kaiden seems devoid of emotion, and is frankly quite boring. He’s the equivalent of a potato.
In the end it comes down to whether you want someone with personality on your team, or none. A racist or a potato.
But who cares when Liara will always be willing to “bang, OK”?

Before we get to number one there is an honourable mention. Yes, I’m pulling a Watchmojo on you. And that goes to punching the reporter. In the face. It’s probably the most cathartic part of the game.
So take that, you bitch.

Finally…..
Number One: Becoming Captain of the Normandy

Becoming Captain of the Normandy is an incredible experience. It really feels like the start of the game. The Normandy is your ship now, and the galaxy is your oyster. You can shoot whatever you want, go wherever you want, punch whoever deserves it. The possibilities are endless.

And that speech. That speech Shepard makes to the crew is always incredible. He comes into his own, as commander and as a Spectre. It makes two parts of my anatomy throb for sure, and I have to ask serious questions to myself.

But why would Shepard love me when he can have any number of hot blue alien chicks to bang? Or space racists?
Or, if you play as fem-sheps, a potato?
Actually scratch that; I like to think I’m better than Kaiden.

So that’s all folks. Hope you tolerated me gushing all over the place (phrasing) about one of my favourite games.
If you didn’t see your favourite moment, it’s probably because I have achieved enlightenment, and you’re just a pleb. So, don’t question my judgment. Pleb.