As the Gamer Laughs crew gather in their break room for their daily meeting a sudden hush filled the air. The staff looks around puzzled as a distant melody begins to play, barely perceivable, but too soft to make out. The music grows in volume, quickly identifying itself as Shop Boys They Like Me. As the intro melts into the first verse the cause of this spectacle walks into the room. A look of slight trepidation appears on the faces of the newer staff members, puzzled as to who would have the balls to just walk in with such extravagance, many of the female staff members subtly remove their wedding rings and slip them into pocket.

“Sam, coffee” the stranger says in a voice that can only be described as The Truth.

Sam dashes off and reappears just as quickly with a large cup of coffee. Tepidly he hands over the cup and stares longingly for approval. The dark haired stranger looks at the cup for a moment and then locks eyes with young Sam as the cup falls to the ground without so much as a testing sip.

“I hate coffee,” the omniscient voice decrees as the stranger moves to take a seat at the head of the table.

  The newer members eyes move towards Cameron, as if begging what to do, but Cameron’s focus is locked on the Adonis-built man, unwavering, and refusing to give ground. Drawing strength from this stoic display the Team dares another glance at the newcomer, eyes unerringly locked on him as he digs in his pocket and pulls out a mobile phone device. A press of the thumb and the music ends, the man’s eyes raising from the phone to survey the assembled staff. An eternity of one prolonged tense moment lapses, then another, tension building thick in the air like mold on cheese, minus the hair, when a disembodied voice cries out:

“Bah-gahd King, it’s him! He’s back! The Button-Down Bandit, The Gaming Prophet, The Gangster of Gamer Laughs and it’s 5 time World Champion…”

“We have a World Championship?” A random newcomer inquires to no one in particular.

“….Jareth “WildIronJ” is back at Gamer Laughs!”

Seriously, I think this should be my thing. Disappear for a few months and then come back just so I can do intros like that. That is great, greater even than watching reactions to the recent election we had, but don’t get too excited, Team. I’m recently making some big life changing moves, and with that my schedule is freeing up, so I hit up young Cam to see if I could help around the site and here we are, nothing permanent, just helping out. Lot of new faces, a few familiar faces. There’s a couple of Podcasts, that’s cool, that’s cool. Water cooler, so the kids can gather and talk about the latest episode of Walking Thrones, or The Game of Dead, or whatever the hell it is kids watch these days. Cubs won the Super Bowl, that’s nice, Cowboys are in the running for the World Series. Seems like things are going good all the way around. Leave it to me to do what I do best and fuck shit up. Don’t worry, I’m doing well, but lately things have faded, Team. I’ve become disconnected from what I once loved, what I was once passionate about, what I was so willing to sacrifice thousands, if not millions, of your lives for: Gaming.

I noticed it only a few weeks ago, I logged onto Steam and browsed my library of games, nothing seemed enjoyable so I browsed the store and still nothing. A quick switch in perspective and I was on League of Legends, but there wasn’t anyone on so I exited that game and decided to check out Twitch (shamelessplugfollowmeattwitch.tv/wildironj777). I hadn’t streamed in at least 6 months, but I was certain I could find SOMETHING to entertain me, but alas it was for not. My only reprieve was YouTube (notashamelessplugIdon’thaveayoutubesetup). I watched some videos…to be more specific I watched videos that I had watched before. All the new stuff on my feed seemed dull and lifeless. After three hours of watching videos in my “Liked” playlist I went outside and tried Pokemon Go again. 12 miles of walking later and I had only caught 5 Pidgey’s and a few Sandshrews. Basically the entirety of my preexisting team. It was at this point that I fell to my default boredom killer: Introversion.

“But, Slappy J,” I hear you ask, baffled beyond comprehension, “why would we follow you on Twitch if you just said you hadn’t streamed in over 6 months?”

That’s neither here nor there, my goal-lacking readers. Neither here nor there, but what is, is that in my introversion I had a revelation, as I am one to do. It wasn’t that I was “out-growing” video games and my previous interests, it was that I was seeing patterns. The same old stuff over and over and over to the point that I know had no more faith left to take a risk on a game just to see if it offered anything different. It didn’t matter what sort of marketing scheme a developer uses, I am fairly certain that outside the realm of virtual reality you can not show me a gaming concept that I haven’t already experience. Sure you can touch up old games, you can remaster classics, you can add plants in the damn jungle till you’re blue in the face, the fact still stands that we’re getting the same presents for Christmas, just with different wrapping, and honestly, at least we’re getting something at this point. Thanks to y’alls reliance on pre-order culture it’s not par the course that a 60 dollar price tag doesn’t include a full game. If you want a full game prepare to spend 60 for the base model, and at a bare by-the-grace-of-your-chosen-deity minimum 10 dollars for any DLC you would need to get the full experience of the game. This has become acceptable, and I have championed against this since day one, but if you want me to be more proactive you’d have to pay me at least 20 dollars US (no Canadian fantasy money), if you want me to write more update stuff, that’s gonna cost you a measly 5 dollars per article (US, rubies should only be for Zelda). I’ll do my job and fill your prescription, but if you want me to label it that’s another micro-transaction, and if you want me to actually cash you out and give you the medication then you’re going to have to wait another 3 to 4 months before the “Complete Transaction” DLC comes in, for a nominal fee of course. Do you see, my Team? Do you see what it would be like if this practice was used in everything we did. It’s unacceptable, and yet it’s the standard for gaming, and it’s just sapped the strength right out of me because I honestly can’t figure out why it’s worth fighting anymore.

Is it so wrong to want something new? I would LOVE a game that would inspire me again, to make me think that this industry, that these fans, are worth fighting for, but as it stands I’m just going through the motions. I continue to blacklist certain developers, I refuse to buy DLC, and I generally contain my hype for any “breaking” news, but not because I feel I’m making a difference, because it’s all that I know how to do. When you break it down at the end of the day, I am merely just one well-endowed and fantastic lover of a man (ladiesmessagemeontwitchattwitch.tv/wildironj777). The only rush of excitement I’ve felt about my favored hobbies would be UFC 205, and I’m calling it here, Eddie Alvarez 3rd round TKO. I’ve been warming up to Conor, but dammit I love me some Eddie.

That’s about it, Team. Until the gaming industry can throw some gasoline on my dwindling flame, I’m afraid that I got nothing for ya except to just keep on fighting the good fight and hope that Wonderboy sleeps Woodley in the first.