There is a hot debate today about which platform is the best to game on. The obvious choice is PC for these reasons:

1. Pirating Games Only Sometimes Results In An Ungodly Amount of Furry Porn

Horrible things are about to happen

We’ve all been there, you just want to try out Dark Souls because of the mixed reviews, but when attempting to pirate it you wind up with a Michael Jackson look alike doing terrible things to an 18 year old girl dressed like Ellie from The Last of Us. Luckily this is only on rare occasions. As you begin to be able to discern which fishy looking download button is the real one, you’ll have the ability to drive any small company out of business with your modern day piracy, matey.

2. Our Neckbeards and Back Acne Keep Away Potential Mates, Creating More Time For Gaming

Not much has changed over the years

There’s a reason we PC gamers never go outside, a few actually. Mostly because last time we tried, Social Darwinism had us by the heels, so it was safer to retreat back to the basement. Luckily, online dating was Invented for the sole purpose of catfishing someone. You’re even allowed to get offended when they see the real you and don’t love you for your disgusting personality. This is all well and good though, who needs sex and women when you have the nude females mod for Skyrim? Back to gaming and masturbating simultaneously!

3. Being Right At Our PCs Means We Can Be The First To Make Sexist Comments About Naomi Kyle When IGN Posts Videos

Oh look, cancer

Because we totally have a chance with a woman like Naomi Kyle, you have to be the first to ask to see her entire body or she won’t be creeped out enough to go on a date with you. Being at your computer every second of everyday means that we have the first shot at wooing her to the top of our laps while we play League of Legends.

4. Allowing One Large Company To Hold Our Entire Library Of Games And Credit Card Information Surely Won’t Go Wrong

All your info are belong to us

What’s Corruption? I’m totally okay with going full spread for Gaben and allowing him to take me from behind. Besides since when has entrusting all your information to one massive company gone wrong? Except for that one time a month ago when complete strangers on Steam were possibly able to see all your private information. But that couldn’t happen again, right? Besides, potential identity theft is still better than Origin.

5. Our Glorious Machines Will Only Slightly Bankrupt You

Surely not a virgin

Oh how glorious owning a machine whose graphics card costs more than a weeks pay. Whose motherboard could fund a small orphanage. Whose Chair could feed a family of four for a week. Whose magnificent peripherals have a combined value of Somalia, three times over. Oh how beautiful it is to be a PC cunt.

6. Our Community Is The Most Welcoming And Open

“F*** off, f***** n*****.”

Instead of being called a twat and motherfucker by 12 year olds who don’t know any better, you’ll be called even worse things by a 40 year old that only goes outside for midnight movie launches and PAX. If you don’t know every aspect of a game you just started playing, you’ll surely be greeted by a helpful Samaritan looking to aid those in need. Or by a racist bigot only after gay bashing.

So there you go, all the reasons PC gaming is the best. Don’t disagree in the comments because we’ll find your grammatical mistakes and rip you apart without an actual argument.