Let me get one thing straight, Day z is a bad game. It’s the experiences and interactions you have with other players that make this game bearable. Picture this: You stumble upon a party of people in the road. On the sides of the road are armed guards, in the center is me. Then you notice the cattle prod in my hand and the naked people being forced to play human centipede while I scream, “FEED HER” at the top of my lungs. Suddenly out of the forest comes another man shouting, “I am the Lorax I speak for the trees.” I take a second to consider the man before zapping him with the cattle prod tying him up with rope then force feeding him worms. For the next four hours before I am killed he will serve valiantly as my “Patsy”. My indentured man servant aka slave. He will be tasked with carrying my burdens and facing my enemies while I tend to the centipede.

I don’t know what it is that drives me to be a psychopath in these sorts of games, but hey if the glove fits

Day z is a vicious structured cycle of sprinting, looting, and dying before repeating the process. It’s an unoriginal idea though the first to do it, and fairly bland as far as games go. The game would strangely enough be better without zombies and the map is too big. Like my penis. Except not really. I mean the penis thing. Day z needs to be about a quarter of the size it is. Moving on…

At some point you may encounter the abyss

Back to the story. I don’t know why the two armed men decided to help me. I was wearing nothing but an ushanka cap and shoes when they found me with the first of the three men I would use for my vile experiments. I didn’t have a gun. The only thing I did have was a bat I used to break the legs of wannabe escapees. I assume it was the way the sun shined on my genitals or the fear I instilled into their hearts that made them bow to me as their lord and saviour. When we wound up at an airstrip I was told to be on edge, this was high pop server and bandits liked to gather here. Presumably for the Apocalyptic Airshow, a much more exciting AA. Ignoring this advice and sprinting out into the middle of the strip looking for Easter eggs, I was promptly shot in the head. I never saw patsy or my guards again.

I respawned only to die of starvation. You always should pick up food and water. Not that there isn’t an abundance, your character is just a bottomless pit. You can chug two canteens of water and 3 sodas and still be dying of hydration.  It’s a bit ridiculous to expect a player to use all of their inventory space on food when room in your backpack is precious commodity needed to fit torture devices.

Final thoughts:

Day Z is bad, the experiences are good. Buy it if you have a super computer because it runs like Shit Z.

Game 0/10

Experiences with other deranged people 10/10