I had a weird relationship with Dragon Age Inquisition. At first I hated it then I loved it. Like a kinky woman’s relationship with anal sex.

The game starts with the character customisation menu and you pick from four races. The customisation is incredibly deep, too deep even. Mess around with the menus a bit too much and your character begins to look like an ape with down syndrome. My character had the look of suicidal depressive who was really confused as to why everyone was relying on him all the sudden.

10 hours in, the antagonist is introduced

After you finish that you get your special powers for no apparent reason. The story happens and yadda yadda yadda. I’d never played a Dragon Age game before, butwith the amount of lore from this one alone you could write a history book. I appreciate lore in games, so much so that I know more about religion in Elder Scrolls than in real life, but too much is too much. I personally felt the need to google search each reference but all that came up were fat sweaty men playing the game. Or maybe that was just my reflection on my monitor.

The combat was pretty shit. However, fabulously animated sparkly and poppy shit. Disappointing because that’s 60% of the game. I made a character with every class in the game and each one just felt clunky. Each enemy looked fairly unique but felt basically the same to fight. In addition, finding good looking armour took quite awhile too, and by awhile I mean way too fucking long. For the first ten hours of the game my character could only craft armour that made him look like he was wrapped in tin foil. I had to look up a guide of where to find good looking armour then slay a dragon to make that armour glitter all pretty in the light as I moved.

23 hours of work

I probably should’ve spent more time in this game, but I only have so much time to dedicate to running around finding flowers to aide the Inquisition. Seriously, you’re the leader of a major political faction yet they still rely on you to do every basic task. Were they lying to you when they called you the leader? Are you secretly a small child that was dropped on its head during an impromptu game of hot potato and now everyone just wants you to feel special?

Maybe it happened on horse back

What I realize about this game now is that it is an MMO. If you like WOW or ESO or any other three letter acronym you’ll probably like this game. If you aren’t a neckbearded, basement dwelling, PC elitist, Cuntbag you may want to find something else.

Final Thoughts:

The game is grindy with very dull combat. That being said, the game is truly beautiful. Spell effects sparkle and glitter, companions chatter with each other during your adventure.  If you’re looking for a game you’ll get your monies worth out of, buy it. If you have a life and don’t have time to find bees buy something else.